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Don't Be Scared of Your Child

Don't Be Scared of Your Child  

by Kathy Milano

Every parent has felt it: Fear of your own child. Fear that he will throw a tantrum in a public place and embarrass you. Fear that she will start crying when you say "no". Fear that he will not listen to you.

Basically, you're afraid of upsetting the delicate balance of harmony.

It's much easier to let your child to do what he wants. It's a lot of work to get up off your couch and intervene. I'm not being sarcastic; I know how it feels to have just sat down with a hot cup of coffee and the paper and then see Junior going for the bowl of cat food-- again. You say "Noooo..." and he ignores you. So you say a little louder, "Junior, don't touch!" No reaction. Then you think, "Oh what's a little cat food. It won't kill him. He's not hurting anybody." And you go back to your paper.

But see what has happened? Junior heard you. Both times. He was testing you and now he knows: When mommy talks, I don't have to listen.

Now you're thinking, "Oh come on he's only 2. He just didn't understand me. And he's certainly not sophisticated enough to test me." Well try this: Say, "Who wants a cookie?" and see who comes running. He understands you and the testing part isn't conscious; it's how people and animals learn.

So what to do? Remember 3 simple things and live them:

1. Pick your battles.

This means if you really don't care if he eats cat food, don't tell him no in the first place. Save the "no's" for things you feel strongly about.

2. Use the 1-2-3 method and always have a consequence when you get to 3.

When she does something you don't want her doing, say "That's 1". When she does it again say "That's 2." And when she keeps at it, say, "That's 3, time-out" and have her sit somewhere, anywhere, for a time-out that lasts 1 minute per age.

Pick her up if you have to but put her in time-out immediately. If you do the "Two and a half, 2 and three quarters..." you have blown it.

Saying in a normal tone of voice, "Three, timeout" and actually putting her in that time-out will quickly teach your child you mean what you say. You will rarely have to get past 1 again. But only if you ALWAYS do the time-out, every time, no exceptions. So put down that coffee, turn off that TV, get off the phone, and get involved!

3. Use time-outs anywhere, anytime.

Some parents like a time-out chair and that's fine but you need a backup method for when they act out when you're out. Taking a walk around the neighborhood with friends? Plant her on the sidewalk for a couple of minutes. At the grocery store? Have her sit in the middle of the aisle (provided she's not in anyone's way). Out to dinner? Take him to a quiet corner near the bathrooms. You will have to miss some dinner but you won't have to do this many times.

If they move out of their time-out spot, keep putting them back and tell them the timer starts over. Don't get mad, don't yell, just pretend you're a parenting robot if that helps keep you calm. Keep the big picture in mind: You are the parent, you are doing this to raise a well-mannered, respectful person, and you're doing the right thing.

Don't live in fear of the toddler tantrum! You are in control! Your child will be happier knowing what's expected.

Kathy Milano is the founder of http://www.thank-you-note-samples.com/ , a free resource for thank you note topics such as wedding gifts, job interviews, and business meetings. She is the mother of 2 young energetic boys

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