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Teen Boys
Teen Boys
by Troy Parrish
The adolescent period is a very busy
time for both the teen and parents. There is a tremendous amount of
growth that occurs during the teen years. The obvious physical growth in
terms of size and strength as well as sexual development is apparent.
What is not as visible in terms of appearance is the cognitive growth
that occurs during this time as well. The human brain goes from weighing
about two pounds during childhood to weighing about three pounds in
adulthood. The growth of the brain takes place during the teen years.
With that growth come new cognitive abilities that shape the typical
interactions between parents and their maturing children. This article
will focus primarily on these changes and the impact that this has
particularly on boys.
There are two significant changes that
influence the behavior of teen boys on a cognitive level. The first is
not unique to boys but is experience by both sexes. As stated
previously, the change in the size of the brain allows children to begin
to think about things differently than they have been able to before.
Young children have a tendency to think about things in a rather
concrete, black and white manner. Either it is right or wrong, that
there is only one perspective on things and that things are rather
simple and straight forward. We as adults recognize that much of life is
not that simple but rather is much more intricate and complex. As
children begin to see that there can be differing points of view and
that there can be exceptions to rules and subtleties previously unknown
to them, they begin to question previously unshakable truths.
Hence the new found ability to argue
points of view with parents and the tendency to be “lawyer like” when
trying to convince a parent to change their mind on a decision. They are
really learning to use their new found ability to think about things in
a more abstract fashion, from a simple black and white way into the
world of possibilities. While this can be frustrating for parents, it is
a valuable process that will, when guided properly, allow your son to
make discerning decisions. As they child begins to undergo these
changes, they begin to contemplate what they want their life to be about
and begin to separate their identity from their parents.
Unfortunately, they are not ready to
face the world alone and hence become more dependent on friends for
support as they individuate from parents. This is why friends, who is
cool, who is not cool becomes so important to young teens.
This can be a very distressing period
of time for some boys and will even shape a large part of the self
identity for some boys. As they jockey for position in the social strata
those that fall to the bottom rungs of the ladder will endure feelings
of rejection, isolation and may endure harsh teasing and some physical
abuse at the hands of their peers.
The hormonal changes that are occurring
as well are well known to all parents and certainly explain the
moodiness that we can see in teens. They can be unpredictable in their
moods and their energy level. Boys in particular will begin to feel the
surges of testosterone which will prompt an increase in sexual appetite
and feelings of strength and not just physical strength but personal
strength. Boys will want to continue to test themselves against
challenges, including the challenge of authority as they work out their
own sense of mastery over their own world and lives. Boys in particular
will challenge mothers in their attempt to subordinate mom to
themselves. If they get enough courage they will challenge dad’s
authority directly as well. Girls will challenge authority as well, but
not usually in the direct, in your face fashion that boys can be prone
to do. Hence, boys can be very obstinate for mothers in particular and
with the surges of testosterone there is a tendency for boys to be
rather absent minded and illogical, complicating the whole struggle for
authority. Add in a world that panders to the youth of America with
their discretionary spending money and the task of dealing with a
teenage boy can become rather large at times. What can you do to
navigate this period in your son’s life?
-
Recognize the change that is
occurring and adjust your parenting accordingly. Children at this age
need to have more explanations for the decisions that are made than
they use to. This does not mean you have to justify everything you
decide, but some insight into why you are doing things can help.
-
Continue to keep your son involved
in constructive activity. The more the activity challenges him the
better. Allowing him to spend some of that physical activity is also
recommended.
-
Get your son involved in the
decision making when appropriate. This will give him some feeling of
control and power and possibly reduce the energy he spends combating
you for a sense of power.
-
Provide opportunity to display
maturity in the responsibilities that you give him. These
responsibilities should carry some level of prestige with them in
order to be effective. The opportunity to work with tools, to have
some car care responsibilities work much better than the
responsibility of taking out the trash. (He should still take out the
trash!)
-
Provide opportunity for your son to
talk to you. In order to do this you will have to take the time to be
engaged in some activity with him or take him for a drive to make this
happen.
-
Work at establishing that delicate
balance of his growing autonomy and your need to still be a parent,
but don’t make this the centerpiece of all your conversations.
-
Enjoy your son’s growth and
maturation!
Visit my website
http://boysbehavior.thehomeschoolorganizer.com/ to review great
articles, look at a few book reviews and sign up for the newsletter.
This month's giveaway is a list of over 200 activities to keep children
busy during the summer months.
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