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Perception and Anger

How can we educate ourselves on how to change a belief, or how to feel differently about an event or stop our judgmental thoughts?

Being able to reframe or dispute our thinking from a different perspective and modify our thought process is based on what we think or tell ourselves about an event and not the event. People or situations do not make us angry…it’s thinking angrily about the things that happen. What we think or tell ourselves about an event makes us angry…not the event itself!

When we judge or evaluate something or someone as negative, our responses and behaviors reflect our reactions in a defensive way. The same is in reverse…Evaluate the situation in a more positive way, and the response becomes less upsetting and can help us reduce anger and the need to control.

The best way to begin is by becoming more aware of the triggering thoughts and consequences of your anger.

The following are some suggestions to help you understand your anger and lessen the chances of angry outbursts.

Identify your upsetting feelings. Ask yourself, “What did I feel first?” and know that this is a signal that you are telling yourself upsetting things. This means being more “aware” of what you feel. Remember, anger is a secondary emotion. We always feel something else first, even if we are not immediately aware of it.
Identify your upsetting thoughts. Ask yourself, “Why do I have to get my way”. “Why should others think the same way I do?” Question your upsetting thoughts.
Reframe your upsetting thoughts with a positive self-message. Perhaps a positive message to take the place of a self-centered, demanding thought. Hear yourself say, “Is there a more helpful way I can look at this situation?” Reframing is changing the way you perceive an event. Change the meaning and the response and behavior change, also.
Be aware of your options and make a mental list of the constructive actions you can take to resolve the problem situation.
If you are not sure of how you perceive the problem situation, Take a Time Out! Disengage yourself from the situation and say, “I want to think about what just happened before I say something I might regret”. Temporarily remove yourself from the situation, which will give you the opportunity to think through what is happening. Then decide ways of resolving the situation in a manner that does not lead to aggression or violent words and actions.

Karen Golob, CAMF, CDC, CH, owner of Anger Management Services, is a Certified Anger Management and Certified Executive Coaching professional helping individuals gain self-awareness, identify and develop strengths, and learn how to problem-solve in order to manage life's challenges. She offers private sessions that provide confidentiality, individual attention and anonymity. Her curriculum is based on the Anderson & Anderson model.

Karen is a Fellow of the American Assoc. of Anger Management Providers, a member of the National & California Assoc. of Drug and Alcohol Counselors, the American Counseling Assoc., and Speaker's Bureau of Olive View/UCLA Medical Centers. She has a diverse and expansive background in teaching, training, public speaking and counseling.

Karen receives referrals from the Calif. Superior Courts, Drug and Alcohol Rehabilitation Centers, mental health professionals and those in the corporate and private sectors. She holds Certifications in Chemical Dependency Counseling, Anger Management, Executive Coaching and Clinical and Medical Hypnotherapy.

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Anger by Leo Madow Published in 1972 by Scribner

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